First, note that homeless is in parenthesis. I am in no way comparing myself to those individuals who are truly homeless. I am so very lucky to be in the position that I now find myself.
I have been asked what it’s like to travel by myself. I’ve glibly replied that I am just another of the homeless masses. Being who I am, I’ve given the subject some thought in the last couple months.
I am, in some ways, homeless. I have no brick and mortar building to call home. That is not to say that I don’t have a (leaky) roof over my head. I have a bed, a kitchen, a bathroom – all of the comforts of home (except a recliner).
In the past I have had abodes - stick built apartments, duplexes, town homes and a single family residence – but not a home. Not since my little family group was taken from me.
Losing my family through separation and divorce was the worst thing that has happened to me in my life. I became a failure overnight. That was years ago and it still affects my daily life.
Separation anxiety. That’s what the psychiatrist called it. She offered drugs and therapy, but was more fixated on whether or not I had thoughts of suicide. I gained 90 pounds, did nothing beyond what was required. Go to work, go home, eat, drink, sleep, get up and do it again. Friends and determination got me through the worst part. Friends that got me out of the house. Friends that got me on the tennis court and the golf course. Friends that helped me rekindle my interests. The determination to not eat when there was nothing better to do. Boredom when you are alone is a killer.
Now I am as alone as I have ever been. My traveling partners have gone their way and I’ve gone mine. Being sick, in a strange city and alone is no fun. Thanks to modern technology I’ll never really be alone again. I can reach out to friends and family anytime I want and I know that they will be there for me. It was that way during the bad times, too. I just didn’t realize it.
On a happier note, Mary reminded me that Monday is Cinco de Mayo and that I should go to Old Town Albuquerque and participate. I think I will.